"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy. I would have stopped and stood in awe as I realized that was my one chance of orchestrating a miracle with my God"
I love it... It's so so hard to think of though when it feels like my insides are being turned inside out and I literally spend most of my life either hanging over the throne looking like a cat retching up an invisible hair ball or wishing I was.
Last night at about 12:30 Manly held me while I cried my head off about this baby and how much I love it and how special it is and how its OURS and I get to keep it and in the middle of the barf and sickness and exhaustion and moving and crazy emotions, I had not really thought about our baby much...I hadn't really though about how special it is and I had forgotten how badly I wanted it.
Then he held my hand and I talked his little ears off about how I expected to be the perfect pregnant lady and currently haven't worn makeup in weeks, and if I get my hair put up and clothes on.. its a good day! Or how part of the reason I wanted a child was because I did not want to become selfish and too caught up in me and how I sort of had expected God to let me be selfish until the baby was born and then teach me to not be so self absorbed. But that wasn't really working out for me too well.
But this morning, I have a different perspective, This child.. OUR child, who made me both throw up and wet my pants simultaneously this morning, I love it and I love being its little hotel, I love that its the reason I cant button my pants (and I'm not just fat!!) and I am trying to learn to love all the little things about being its Mama, because I don't want to miss this... not a second of this miracle...
Not what I expected, AT ALL but a miracle none the less... =)
Love you dearest and love your heart and that you are realizing this at 11 weeks! God is good pretty mama!
ReplyDeleteYep...pregnancy was not really what I expected at all either. In fact, I had always assumed that labor and the actual giving birth process was the hardest........yeah....not really. haha...but the 9 months was totally worth it. I have almost cried...well...very frequently, when I think back to the difficulties of the pregnancy...and then look down at the precious little child in my arms, who seems to get cuter by the day, and my heart just overflows with love, and with thankfulness to God. :o) It's sooooo sweet being a mom. :oD
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